Memory

Michael A Iwanowicz

Memories are the links to our beginnings and our pivotal times in the journey of our existence. Marcel Proust wrote extensively about his understanding of the nature of our memories as recalled through the sensory perceptions of our physiology.

As Proust described, he recalled vividly an old event that was manifest as he ‘sensed’ the event in the present through the medium of smelling and tasting.

Some fifty years later, I can vividly recall the consequential event of my life – meeting the woman with whom we would commit our lives to loving God and nurturing children of our love.

We met on Moseley’s on the Charles on the last Saturday of January 1962. From the first, as we danced through the night, I knew it was right. What I came to know was her preference for using the fragrance of ‘Shalimar’. I never forgot nor will forget her attraction and mine for ‘Shalimar’.

The Year 2012

On the time left, as we count down to the end of 2011 and begin the counting of time for the next interval, let us appreciate ‘time’ as counting and ‘time’ as experiencing. The Greek language had two words (chronos and Kairos) to separate the two perspectives of ‘Time’.
We use watches and clocks to track the elapse of time as the coming and going of life. What do we use to track the significant events in life as ‘Kairos’ time?
For me, Kairos involves the memory of events that marked birth, life, nurturing, healing, reconciling, growth, and death.
On the chronological start of 2012, I will savor the Kairos of my life heretofore.

Small town – friends without names

Michael A Iwanowicz

Finishing the day with supper at a local pub, I chatted outside with a local resident who wished me blessings on the season. Further, she spoke briefly about how folks living alone can reflect on their lives and see what life is all about. She talked about losing her children at an early age and now caring for her elderly mother.
She somehow knew my story and hoped that I would be well. ….. That is the beauty of mingling with friends without names in a small town.

life and our destiny

 What are the critical moments in life?

 Curiously, I have always felt that the term ‘finals’ ( as in academics) was an ultra oxymoronic. Are not exams but transitions to a next stage of life. And, every phase in life, is but the inherent sequence from yesterday until tomorrow – our destiny.
 So, then

What’s New?

Back to the blogging and I apologize for the unseemly inattention this endeavor.
Perhaps, it is best to acknowledge the memories of the past. This year I celebrated the following past events:
1. I graduated from Wakefield Memorial High School in 1956 – some 55 years ago.
2. I was ordained to the order of deacon in the Roman Catholic Church in 1976 – some 35 years ago.
3. I celebrated on July 16 the 73 years of my being here.
4. …
And for what remains for tomorrow, I can only trust that what happens will be sufficient to the future to what I am destined.
Mike

Alone Together – Sherry Turkle

Computers and Life … Sherry Turkle

In 1984, Sherry Turkle (MIT faculty) wrote a book (The Second Self) that explored the relationship between computers and individuals. That book is still close by in my set of bookshelves. Turkle, (who earned a joint doctorate in sociology and psychology from Harvard) has written a new book that continues her observations from her research at MIT.

This latest study (‘Alone Together’) continues her work as techology has continued its developmental path. Turkles states that “…It is easy to become so immersed in technology that we ignore what we know about life…”

Amy Chua – ‘Chinese Mother’

Earlier this week, I began reading Amy Chua’s memoir – ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’. Out of curiosity, given the media accounts of an author extolling the virtues of being a ‘Chinese Mother ‘, I wanted to read her book for clarification and understanding.
Chua has written a daunting account of her life as a parent and her obsession with being a ‘Chinese Parent’. Raising two daughters to be the best at whatever they do is one thing; to persist in this strategy in the light of the reality of adolescence and birth order is another. The chilling reality to the story is the moment when Chua realizes her strategy is flawed. It is mindful to me of Dostoevsky more than any other writer.

This will be a book to which I will refer often.

Age and Ageing

The Myth of Ageing

How often have you heard the saying, ‘It’s only a number’, as people focus on an upcoming birthday that seems to be a transition from one stage in life to another? The line from one decade of life to the next is an old phobia that manifests an anxiety about heading toward a dreaded ‘older stage of life’.

I suggest that the number is more than just a value describing where we are in this year; but, singularly, a depiction of our journey from our birth to our future days. Let’s see what this can mean.

A few days ago, I reviewed my voice mail messages and was alerted to an unanticipated upcoming event. The caller identified herself as a member of a committee working to plan the high school reunion for members of the class of 1956 having graduated from Wakefield High School. The caller was checking to see that they had correct information about my current address for future information purposes. Indeed, I was immediately reminded about the many years that have passed from the carefree days in high school with only an innocent eye on the future. And, that short brief message reminded me also that age is more than a number – in fact age is an indicator of what has been the history of my life.

I am blessed, in my perspective on life as a faith follower, that many events have occurred in a distinctly eclectic way that is nearly inscrutable. For example, I matriculated at Bowdoin College in 1956 since Bowdoin was the only school that granted me admission.

After graduation, I looked at graduate school, and sought employment first to determine a professional direction. Thence, after serving in the US Army for a brief period, I began working as a mathematician learning new skills in computer programming. I met a young woman who was destined to change my life entirely.

I put off graduate school, began married life, and settled into a mundane rhythm of life of work and family.

But, the eclecticism of my life reappeared. I reviewed my thoughts about graduate school and worked toward an MBA at Babson College in 1969. This was followed by my volunteering for tasks, along with my wife, in our local Catholic Church. A short time later, I applied to the Archdiocese of Boston to the new program – the Permanent Diaconate. This program was an outgrowth of the changes occurring in Catholicism after the Second Vatican Council. I was admitted and, after three years of training, was ordained as a deacon in 1976.

Whew!

Now, some 34 years later, I have retired from professional work in the computer industry and am serving the church as a deacon in myriad ways.

Back to the notion of age as noting the journey of life, I cite this example. Recently, I officiated at the marriage of one of my nieces whom I baptized some 30 years ago.

It is another manifestation of the eclecticism of my life journey over the seventy plus years that I have experienced joy, birth, sadness, death, and new life.

I confront the myth that age is but a ‘number’.

For me, age is the notable reminder to cherish what has transpired and to continue on the path of hope and faith in an inscrutable set of future events.

The Town – movie from ‘A Prince of Thieves’

The Quality of Life in Small Towns

As most folks know or come to realize rather quickly, my life is focused on reading and writing. My call to church life further refines these two aspects of my life. And, on the other hand, my knowledge of pop culture is scant. To wit, the last movie I saw was in 2004.

Thus it was that I was totally confused a few backs ago when I browsed through ‘status’ lines during my regular browsing in ‘Facebook’. One of my friends was commenting on her upcoming event at Fenway Park and hoped she would not trip on the Red Carpet. I wondered what that was about. Was she involved in a charity fashion show or other such event?

Further on, I noted others chiming in about a movie and a premiere and I finally cobbled together the series of clues and realized what was happening. It is a neat version of ‘Who Knew?’

Let me then connect the dots. Some years ago, I worked with a colleague organizing a series of programs on ‘Parenting’. We had an author/psychologist deliver a presentation one night; we had a panel discussion on another night; and we ended with a member of the district attorney’s office presenting some legal context regarding risk behavior of young adults. After the program concluded, I was contacted by a parent in Sharon who was a board member of a private pre-school program. She was looking to offer some similar programs for parents sending their children to her school. We met over coffee one afternoon and shared ideas and resources and began a friendship. I know her and her husband, Chuck Hogan, now as regular family parishioners at our church in Sharon.

With that, and finally understanding what Charlotte was intimating on Facebook, I realized that her husband was the author of ‘Prince of Thieves’, the book from which the new movie, ‘The Town’ was adapted. Charlotte then was letting us all know via Facebook of her anticipation of being in the presence of the Hollywood actors and actresses at Fenway Park for the preview.

After musing about my ignorance of pop culture and the power of entertainment, I was struck by another intersection of life, people, and events. In August, I met with several parents in our church who were having their children Baptized over the next few weeks. We discussed details of the ritual and the responsibilities of parents and noted how cultural traditions sometimes affect how the ritual is carried out. One of the parents, Mark McAuliffe, concurred. Although I was not present for the Baptism, I learned from our pastor that Mark and his wife had opened up a new Pub in the center of Walpole and invited folks who attended the Baptism to enjoy refreshments at his Pub that Sunday.

Hmm. I thought about two parishioners with young families and their wider world achievements and work beyond the context of church. Chuck Hogan has been interviewed by a variety of media and featured in newspaper articles and continues his writing of novels. I wondered if the communities of Sharon and Walpole might have an opportunity to meet him and be reminded of the talents and skills evident in our neighbors.

The plans now are as follows. On October 27, at ‘The Raven’s Nest’, in downtown Walpole, Chuck Hogan and family will be in attendance to meet and greet the public.

There will be a book signing and a social hour. All are welcome.

America Blogs – I & II

A Deacon’s Life and Vocation – Part I
Posted at: Sunday, September 05, 2010 07:14:29 PM
Author: Francis X. Clooney, S.J.
Sharon, MA. As readers know, I regularly help out with Masses at Our Lady of Sorrows parish in Sharon, MA. It is a small, active, and spiritual community that I am blessed to be connected with the past 13 years. One of the best things about the parish is its long-time Deacon, Michael Iwanowicz, who has served the parish in innumerable ways for so many years. Deacon Mike was in the very first class of married deacons ordained in Boston in 1976, and for many years has served at Our Lady of Sorrows. It struck me that in our current church, one of the least heard voices is that of the deacon, whose ordained ministry — most often as a married person — seems often overlooked. So I have asked Deacon Mike to “guest blog” in my space, this week and next, to bring his unique perspective to the fore. This time, he will introduce himself, and the next time, expand on his views on the Church today.
Deacon Mike writes:
I appreciate Fr. Clooney’s invitation to write about the state of the church in which we live and minister. In this first blog of a two part series, I will look back to the nature of the church into which I was baptized and initiated and sketch the journey of faith and crises through which I have traversed. As one who will leave this life, (with an unpredictable length of days left), having received all seven sacraments, I am blessed for all that has transpired with the grace of God. Each morning I stand firm in thanksgiving for the day ahead, praying for my adult children, their offspring, and the memory of my deceased wife.
Yet, I recognize that each day brings to light sadness and a measure of poignancy for those afflicted with tragedy in their personal life, and the frustration many in the church manifest concerning the changes wrought by the hierarchy or the lack of changes wrought by the hierarchy. Looking back to the 1970’s, I recall the wonder and awe of being ordained to the Permanent Diaconate by Cardinal Medeiros of Boston in 1976 – a change welcomed by some and disdained by others..
To what were we called, men with families and secular obligations, and how might we fit into the ministry of the church? A deacon is described in light of ‘servant’ ministry – as tradition cites the call of Stephen and Philip and the other five men to assist the disciples in the daily life of the community. (Acts 6).
Venturing forth, each member of that first class struggled with the challenge to balance family responsibilities, secular work, and ordained ministerial tasks. We all came to this point from a personal history that was unique and variegated. Over the last thirty-fours, I often recall the influence of my grandfather on my rhythm of life and my faith in the presence of God guiding me.
Julius Anthony Iwanowicz came to America from his native Poland in the late 19th century. Settling in Lynn, Massachusetts, working as a laborer in a leather tannery, he organized a group that financed and built the church that became a parish of the Archdiocese of Boston in 1906.
When I would go to that church in the 1950’s with my sister and Grandparents, Julius would introduce me to his friends as a future priest. Little did any of us understand his vision.
To review, born and baptized in 1938, raised catholic in the 1940 and 1950’s, I began a lifetime of service in the church as an altar boy wearing that black cassock and white surplice and memorizing the responses to the priest in Latin. ( … et cum spiritu tuo..).
My memory of the pre-Vatican II days looked like this.
I remember walking to church early on a snowy Sunday morning to hear the pastor speak to the congregants about the necessity of being at church each Sunday. I remember a new young priest who was assigned to work with the youngsters. Fr. Ready met us boys at the park near the church on Saturdays to hit fungoes and coach us in the niceties of baseball. At four o’clock, we all stopped to return to church for confession. I remember my parents no longer attending church without providing me or my sister with any ‘rationale’. It just happened.
My memory of the Post-Vatican II days …
My rebirth in active participation in church life began after I met and married Patricia Rourke in 1963. We bought a house in suburban Boston and began our family life – as well as volunteering for activities at the parish level. In 1973, Cardinal Medeiros announced the formation of the Permanent Diaconate program in Boston. Along with nearly two hundred other men, I applied and was accepted into the first class of 40 men for training and formation leading to ordination.
And, now, looking back over the last 34 years of ordained ministry, I remember baptizing one of my nieces early on and now look ahead to presiding at her marriage ceremony this Fall.I remember preaching at funerals for my parents, a cousin, and other family members. I remember offering ‘words of remembrance’ at the funeral for my wife who died at the age of fifty. I remember praying at the graveside with parents who lost their second child – who lived for just two hours.
My View on the Church of the Future…
I am angered to learn of the sexual abuses of the priest who witnessed my marriage. As a parent of a gay child, I am in solidarity with other such parents. As a child in public schools in the 1950’s, I accepted authority and looked to my teachers for information and guidance for learning. The arena of public education today is vastly different in the relationship of pupil and teacher. In contrast, the doctrinal and creedal arenas of the 1950’s and today in the Roman Catholic Church are substantially similar.
Many in our church argue for more inclusivity in the ordained ministry and more collegiality and subsidiarity in decisionmaking. I will offer my perspective on these three topics in the next post.

Deacon’s Life and Vocation – Part II
Posted at: Monday, September 13, 2010 09:06:28 PM
Author: Francis X. Clooney, S.J.
Sharon, MA. I am happy to offer here Part Two of Deacon Mike Iwanowicz’s reflection on the Church, its problems and possibilities, as seen in light of his nearly 35 years of ordained ministry. It builds on the personal memories placed before us in Part One, and pushes the issues further. I am grateful to Deacon Mike for taking the time to write these reflections, and please add your comments as you see fit, in light of the points he raises.
A Deacon’s Life and Vocation – Part II
On Sunday, Sept. 5, as a guest blogger for Fr. Clooney I wrote briefly on my life’s journey (1938 – the present). Having identified myself as a product of the pre and post world war decades and one who was baptized and confirmed in the era of the pre-Vatican II church, now serving the church as a deacon (ordained in 1976; widowed in 1991), I would like to comment on two areas of critical dialogue in the church of today and tomorrow.
Inclusivity in Church Ministry
There are voices throughout the church calling for a more inclusive church – use of gender neutral language, optional celibacy, women’s ordination, etc. As a church that is rooted in the sacraments, we invite all who follow Christ to receive the grace of the sacraments. Yet, the sacrament of Holy Orders is an exclusive giving and receiving. Canon Law (# 1024) states that “…Only a baptized male validly receives sacred ordination.”
Despite the continuing request for dialogue to reform canon 1024, the institutional church has closed all opportunities for dialogue. Yet, voices are heard and will be a continuing reminder of the exclusive nature of this vocation. I suspect that a dynamic exists whereby the movement from a totally exclusive ministry inherent in the liturgy to our current mix of exclusive and inclusive could force change. Let’s remember the ministers at liturgy some 65 years ago.
In 1947, as an altar boy serving mass, I remember the only people inside the altar rail (the sanctuary) were the priest and other altar servers (only boys). There were no lectors or other ministers.
In 2010, at a typical weekend mass in Sharon, there will be a lector reading the scriptures (male or female), altar servers (girls or boys), folks leading the congregation in song, men or women assisting in the distribution of communion, and (optionally) a deacon.
The face of ministry has become vastly and vitally different.But, the question of listening to the voices for further reform remains. I believe that the institutional church cannot avoid calling a council to address the nature of ordination and the discipline around celibacy. The face of ministry is in continuous change.
Decision making in the Operation of the Church
A principle that guided the implementation of the Novus Ordo (The mass promulgated by Pope Pius VI) concerned the “full and active participation in of the congregation in the Liturgy’. Perhaps that principle should apply for each member of the church living out the call to follow Christ. And the institutional church might ensure that structures are in place to affirm and welcome all voices that would guide the decisions made at all levels in the ordinary operation of the institutional church.
Specifically, who selects a new pastor at the parochial level? Who is involved in the nomination and selection of Bishops?
It is basic that final decisions are made by those entrusted with such authority. Popes ‘name’ bishops and assign them to diocesan responsibilities; Bishops ‘name’ pastors and assign them to parochial responsibilities. But, the voices of the affected (those whose lives are under the pastoral care of bishops and pastors), should be sought and considered.
Concluding Remarks
Time is an elusive commodity. In a moment of crisis, we have little opportunity to ‘take time’ to weigh the consequences of one action over another. When we are given choices in life and time to act on those choices, we then have the luxury of reflection, discernment and action.
There are voices in our world and in the intramural dialogue in the church that name a critical situation regarding the question of ordination and the other concerns of inclusivity and decision making. There are other voices that indicate that it is a journey of history that has led us to our present state.
My personal history has always benefited from reviewing the past to learn from it and to see time as fluid and dynamic. The church in which I was baptized is distant in my fragile memory; the church into which I walk is yet to be consolidated from the many voices extant.
I remain faithful and trusting in the care and compassion of our God.